• Swee

Did You Just Drink Bad Milk?

The gym's people watching quality is at its peak these days with all the Resolutioners in attendance. These people could be ones who have had memberships and are resolving to finally put their money to good use, or there are the newbies. Being a newbie at our gym is hard. We were not so thrilled by the response of regulars to us. First of all, we weren't Resolutioners so we should've been welcomed differently. Second of all, yeah. that's all. So what is difficult is everyone has a face on, the regulars. Everyone. I don't know if its because no one wants to be there really?...or they just have faces on. Like they drank curdled milk type faces. The Resolutioners/newbies: hanging around in old sweats, beat up sneakers, thought they could just come here and shelp around because A) they belonged to Planet Fitness previously and never attended except on free pizza night or B) they are Resolutioners and the last time they worked out was with Jane Fonda, when Jane Fonda was young. The newbies look around at the curdled milk faces who push and shove in the locker room, who hold weight equipment and spin bikes with a singular bottle, which could be empty or full or just from the garbage, who are all fancy with their fancy gym pants, tank tops and fashionable sneakers, who use the sauna, jacuzzi, shower and hair dryer in the locker room and who talk to Maria, the locker room attendant and are jealous that Maria is nice to the regulars and not the newbies. The regulars are also interesting. The women at least. I witnessed this conversation quite a few times in the past week: "oh! you haven't been in class lately! where HAVE you been?" woman wrapped in towel and wet hair says to woman who just arrived (please note, these are all voices with accents because we live in the most diverse neighborhood known to man) "Oh yeah, i know, know. I need to change it up" "Oh you've been missing such good classes" woman in towel persisting to make sure the other one feels fat and lazy. Why do women do this? "are you going to spin? what are you doing tonight?" Woman half way out the door says to another "yeah i'm going, are you?" "NO. UGH. Didn't you hear? the schedule is all changed" (please add 15x's the attitude when reading, like what is this woman's problem!?) "Oh really? i'm still going to go" "I don't know why you would." SERIOUSLY!? these people aren't even real friends! Stop drinking curdled milk and spreading your disgust around!! No one cares! And to the woman in the towel, keep it on! because i didn't need to see your bare ass for the 15 minutes it took me to get to my locker, load my locker, adjust my heart rate monitor strap and get out of the corner i was shoved into by other women in towels!!! Then, we're out in the field, as i like to call it. Out of the locker room. There is one woman who does abs all night, i swear. She jumps from the treadmill to the ab machine and she does it all for hours with her hair down. My other favorite, the girls in full length, skin tight, head to toe (or shall i say breast to calf) leotard onesies. You're just ASKING, BEGGING to be objectified by EVERY guy in the gym. and i guess that's just what they are there for. But then there is Tamale. She is what i strive to be. Tamale is hot, and michelle agrees, don't let her fool you!! Obvs we named her Tamale. She wears these awesome sweatpants that are baggy but fit her waist perfectly and then she wears a ribbed tank. CLASSIC gym beauty. Dark hair, dark eyes, olive skin. Obviously there to work out but doesn't need to flaunt it in a onesie. And the best part about her is that she's got a gorgeous face. She's not a butter!!! I was a little self conscious one night when i saw her take our spin class, not gonna lie! i'm sorry, was that last paragraph completely inappropriate? I could go on literally forever on this. But i won't! Good night :)


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